SILLY THOUGHTS I HAVE AS A PLUS SIZE GIRL: MY ONLY OPTION IS SETTLING

Well, what an interesting title we have here you might say. And what is it about? Brace yourselves – man, of course. Those bizarre creatures, that most of the time we speak on different language with. But we can never seem to stay away from, even though we usually end up feeling stupid and confused. (Those of you who had ever studied French will know the feeling. Je t’aime, mais le français est dur.)

Mr. Smart

Let me tell you a story about a guy. It is not a particularly exciting one and maybe this was the problem to begin with. See, we started our connection with a friendship. He was this amazing, funny person that had the same taste in… well everything. He was considering and never bossy. For someone that had always had a problem, finding people with similar interests as me I was excited to spend time with him. And I was interested in him, but I was not sure exactly how much. It bothered me. I was used to reading these big romantic stories in books about crazy love and amazing sexual attraction, so the connection we had just didn’t sit right with me. I needed time to get to know him, to be sure how I feel. And then everyone started talking about how much he liked me, how perfect he was for me and believe it or not this made me feel guilty. I started thinking how selfish and rude it was of me to need all this time to “like him as much as he did like me”. After all, he was someone I always dreamed of and now I was having the audacity to have doubts. What is more, he did not help me with his lack of any initiative about developing the attraction. I do not mind someone being a timid person, but come on… sometimes a girl need to SEE that you like her, not just hear it from other people. You can imagine it did not end with happily ever after.

Mr. Handsome

Rewind couple of months after this and I met another guy. And here it was – the moment from all the cheesy films you ever saw. The second I saw him, all I could think about was how handsome he was. Of course I did not expect him to have any interest in me, but to my surprise he actually was the one to approach me. The first time we went out was super awkward. Not only did we not speak the same language, we had nothing in common. And I mean nothing. I am one of those people that really like a sassy conversation where I can show how smart I am, so it was hard to keep up a communication between the two of us. But we had something else – the attraction. I had no doubts I wanted to spend time with him. I was happy to do it on his terms too. And it was good until it was not anymore… For all of his handsomeness he had bundles of self-esteem, bossiness and opinions he expected me to adopt as my own and I am just not that kind of a girl.

And here we are now. A couple of days ago I was told that all the problems I think I have now would have looked insignificant if I had a man, or even a child to take care of.  And it made me angry and then it made me think. Would it though? What if I was stuck in a relationship I was not sure about, or another that was making me feel like I need to change everything about me? Would that have made me happy? See, the thing is I would never know. And I will be lying if I say that sometimes I don’t think about those guys when I am lonely. But whatever you base your ideal male on – smarts or looks, he does not exist. And for me, after fighting for years and years to learn to love myself for who I am, I decided that it did not matter. I needed what I needed and at that time it was neither of the options. Does that make me deserving of being forever alone? Hell, no! Also people do not know better than you. If you feel you are not ready for love – wait, maybe your perfect Mr. Smart and Handsome is around the corner. Thinking you should just content yourself with whomever wants to be with you, just because you are sure you won’t have another option is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Or to them for that matter… Allow yourself to be happy on your own terms. As they say – good things come to the ones who know how to wait.

Bisous,

Deni

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About The Author

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Denis Day

A lover of all things beautiful. I try to write about my life, my passion for beauty and my experience being a plus size girl.
http://www.denisday.org/