I usually try to keep the tone on my blog positive. But as much as I like to write beautiful words, rolled into advices and opinions and garnished with pretty photos – life is not always so bright! One of the biggest reasons I ever started writing was to try and help people that have the same struggles like me and comfort myself at the same time through sharing. Well, as it happens today is one of the bad days and I decided to be honest and just lay it all out. The change of the weather means a change in our wardrobe. I love autumn and I could not wait to take out my weather appropriate clothes. While doing that I came into a conclusion that is the topic of this PLUS SIZE TALK – DO YOU NEED ALL THIS CLOTHES?
For someone that knows me this will be a surprise. Believe me when I say that I do not like to keep things I do not have a use for. Even with makeup – I usually give away or all together dispose of things I do not need or use. But why I cannot do this with clothes?
If you have ever been a Plus Size person you would know what a struggle it is to find something that you feel good in. It took me a lot of time to realize that as long as I don’t like myself – clothes won’t help. At least not entirely. But I like to have the option. And I like to have the safety net of lots and lots of clothes that I honestly don’t have a need for. And it sucks. It sucked when I was the kid that had to wear clothes for grown up and it sucked when I was the woman that was offered man sized jeans. I know, some of you would wonder how is this possible? Well, consider this. As strange as it might seem, there are still a lot of countries around the world that do not carry a plus size range. To be more accurate their version of XL is EU version of 38 maybe. I grew up in a country like this. Plus the fact that ten years ago no one even cared if you are not the standard size – I was doomed to wear ugly, not age appropriate clothes. And even now that I have so much more diversity in the back of my head I am still scared that I will not have anything to wear. Such a first world problem you would say. It is. But it also comes with a baggage of so much more. With years of self-doubt and fear of being different, isolated. With a lot of self-hate, missed opportunities and chances to be happy.
To be honest I felt I have to write this just to show you that when you have struggled all your life with a body image it is not easy to shake it off. But also to let you know that it is ok to have fears -we all do. It might be a fear of starting yet another day of binge eating, or something as simple as ruining your whole day because you don’t have anything to wear that you feel comfortable in. Give yourself a break. And whatever you do, don’t sit in front of your wardrobe. Trying to think of a reason why you need to keep that one shirt from five years ago that you hate but is two sizes bigger and you might need it if one day you wake up looking like you did before you lost those ten kg.
I hope you did not get the wrong impression from this. I am super grateful that I have the opportunity to be able to afford to dress myself as I want. But I do believe that it is time to let go of some of my old fears and maybe some shirts from five years ago!